Today I acquired my first-ever pair of designer spectacles.
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| The Glasses Apostle by Conrad von Soest |
I hadn’t bought a new pair of glasses for more than six years. When I went in to get my eyes tested just before lockdown, I told the team I wasn’t seeing quite so well these days. When they looked at my specs, they said “we’re not surprised, the coating on your lenses is all scratched and smeared!”
A new pair was clearly needed, but it wasn’t until last month I finally returned to the opticians and tried some on. This is Bishopthorpe Road, a hipster enclave in northern England’s most newly medial city, so I knew there were various expensive options, but I decided not to look at any prices and just go with what felt like the best-looking pair.
H&E were there to assist me (E mostly just wanted to try the glasses on too, or make me try rainbow-coloured specs on) but eventually we settled on our favourite pair.
H&E left the shop to do some errands, and only then did I look at the price. Once thin lenses correcting my aberrant vision were added to the frames, the total cost was over £400. Cripes.
Not just any old cripes, mind. Tom Ford Cripes.
I’d accidentally bought a proper-designer pair of glasses. These Covid days I’m mostly slouching round in a hoodie, or standing in a very muddy playground wearing walking boots with holes in them. I don’t imagine it’s how Mr Ford envisaged his products being worn.
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| Model: T. Ford |
When she gave me my glasses case, the optician advised me there was a polishing cloth in it. This wasn’t, however, for the glasses themselves, but the T-bar. The what bar? The T-bar. I have literally no idea what purpose it serves, but apparently it needs polishing.
Of course, these aren’t glasses, or even spectacles. These are eyewear. It's a far cry from my childhood days of NHS specs.
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