Shave the dolphins!

It must be tough being a dolphin.  Whilst those of us mammals with hair can use it as a place to trap trace metals, the poor old dolphins - intelligent as they are - are aquatic and hairless and end up with nasty elements like mercury concentrated in their bodies.  And then they die.

A dusky dolphin

I have a plan to save the dolphins, therefore.  Since they are mammals, and evolved from hairy ancestors, their hairiness gene must simply have become switched off during the transition to an aquatic lifestyle.

This means we can switch the gene back on, and make the dolphins hairy once more.  This might affect their swimming ability a bit, but that's a small price to pay for being newly able to sequester toxins into their hair, rather than their bodies.

Once the metals are trapped in the hair, which I'm calling dolphuzz, just for the heck of it, a trained team of marine biological barbers can jump into the sea with their clippers and trim it all off.

And by shaving the dolphins, we'll be saving the dolphins.