Well-known phrases: some 21st Century definitions

Uniform: the increasingly homogeneous appearance of undergraduates to someone as old and embittered as me.

Natural selection: a man driving his car with no hands whilst his toddler son snoozes in the back.

Token gesture: an environmentally friendly hemp bag being given to delegates at an oil industry conference.

Blind optimism: building a conservatory at cow corner of a small village cricket ground.

Drinking problem: when, in a rush of urban gentrification, your local Bargain Booze gets replaced by a Sicilian bistro.

Memory loss: when you can't remember where you put your USB stick.

Middle manager: a paunchy 40-something business executive hogging the central lane of a quiet motorway in his shiny BMW.