Total maternal support for boy accused of "hanging round with wrong 'uns"

The mother of Andrew Prince, the British public schoolboy at the centre of a political row, has defended her progeny's behaviour, saying that he had done nothing wrong and was being picked on by big boys who wanted to make him a scapegoat.

Liz Windsor, who is unemployed and claims almost £8 million in benefits each year, says that claims Mr Prince is under the thrall of child molesters, violent thugs and nutcases, are completely unfounded.

"Andrew is a lovely boy," she said, "and as his mother, I should know. Anyone who says anything bad about him is just jealous."

In recent days, Mr Prince has had to defend himself against accusations that he was doing bad things in a bad gang with some bad boys, all while pretending to be acting in his mother's best interests, but to no avail. It came as no surprise to experts when he had to go and fetch his mother.

"Like most of his family, Mr Prince is inherently useless," said expert genealogist Hugh Doyoothinkyooah, "but he does have a lot of shiny things and guns and that, so tends to attract the attentions of strange and dangerous people.  However, to expect him to be able to show self-control and foresight is rather like asking a dog to use an iPhone to report a crime.  It wouldn't understand the technology, the legal ramifications, or indeed that it had witnessed a crime in the first place.  It would just wander off in search of a juicy bone and hope that someone would soon pat it on the head and say 'Well done, boy'."

Andrew Prince is 41 years old.