I hit the boy first time and there he was in the back of the net

I realize, having just seen the story below on the BBC website, that I made a mistake in my previous post. Rather than an Italian footballer, I should have stated that Leona Lewis weeps like a 12 year old Bolivian footballer.

What was his father thinking? Something Pythonesque perhaps?

[SCENE. A Bolivian football stadium. The manager of the losing team paces up and down the touchline.]

MANAGER: It's about time that bloody layabout son of mine got off the bench and earned himself a proper living like I did when I were 'is age! Mauricio! Get over 'ere!

[A small boy runs towards him. The manager gives a piece of paper to the linesman, who holds up two numbers. A player exits the field, and the small boy runs onto the pitch. The ball rolls his way, and he traps it. He is immediately scythed to the ground by a hulking opposition centre half and bursts into tears.]

MANAGER: Get up you great pansy, stop rollin' about on t'floor!

[At this point the boy's mother runs onto the pitch and starts hitting her son's assailant with her handbag.]

MOTHER: You brute! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?

CENTRE-HALF: Madam, it's a professional football match. If he can't deal with the rough and tumble he should probably go back to playing for the under-13s.

MOTHER: How dare you talk about my precious Mauricio like that!

[She thumps him again with her handbag, at which point the referee intervenes.]

REFEREE [to the centre-half]: It's a booking for you, my lad. [Then, turning to the lady] Madam, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave the pitch, otherwise I'm going to have to report your conduct to FIFA.

CENTRE-HALF [sotto voce]: Shouldn't that be UNICEF?

MOTHER: I heard that!

I fell off me chair, Brian
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