Trousers from a Penguin Classic

I am puzzled by many things, most of them to do with people. 'Choose Your God Carefully' proclaims a sign outside Gilcomston South church, on Union Street. What does this mean? Does Christianity no longer regard the world as monotheistic? How many gods are there to choose from? And how does one make the right choice?

Perhaps Christianity is in a state of confusion. There certainly seem to be a lot of missionaries about. A few days back, I crossed the road into the path of two women. I knew they were missionaries before they even spoke to me, but their American accents only confirmed it. They mentioned Jesus Christ. I hinted that it really wasn't my bag. They asked me if I'd thought about life after death. I told them life before death was interesting enough, and that I didn't see the need to worry about whether anything happened afterwards. They asked me what I did. I said I was a palaeontologist, studying the history of life on Earth. They seemed wowed, in the way American salespeople often are, slightly insincerely, and asked if I'd take a card. I politely declined. Then, on Sunday, I was walking home and saw a suit advancing towards me. I knew what he wanted too:

'Good evening sir, and how are you?' whined his vaguely South African accent.
'Fine, thanks,' I replied.
'Can I talk to you about Jesus Christ?' he asked.
'No, I'm not interested thanks.'
'Well, can I at least give you one of our leaflets?'
'No, I'm definitely not interested,' I said, and I walked away.

OK, so it was Sunday, but why do these people think it's ok to harass me? Maybe I should offer an antidote and patrol the streets this weekend, accosting passers-by with 'Good morning madam. Has it ever crossed your mind that religion might be a big pile of shite that doesn't explain anything at all?'

I think about things too much, I know that. But most people don't think about things enough, or even at all. Yet democracy demands that the views of the majority are taken as the basis of government, meaning that not thinking about subjects properly or carefully is vindicated. This cannot be the path of progress.

Earlier on Sunday, I went into Aberdeen to see if there was anything worth buying. There wasn't. Democracy in action again. Whatever the masses want, the masses get. Of course, I could have bought books or music, but all I ever seem to buy are books and music. I need food and clothes. I cannot make trousers from a Penguin Classic, nor can I eat the songs of Nick Cave.

It was a lovely October day, properly autumnal, so I was further maddened to see that John Lewis had opened up their Christmas section, and to hear a tinny, electronic voice singing 'Jingle Bells'. It's not Christmas, so shut the fuck up. No festive tidings should be permitted before December 1st. 24 days of it is long enough.